Loneliness

Alone in a pew. Ben was running sound upstairs. Sister didn't come. Family that I usually sit with sat in the pew behind me. So there I am - alone. Isolated. Stranded.

I don't like being alone. In fact, I have a fear of it. I get nervous, uncomfortable, anxious, sometimes even bitter or angry. Angry at Ben for not being with me, angry for my sister for not coming, angry at my friends for not sitting next to me - I mean, they can see me sitting there by myself can't they?

This was about the time that the Lord really convicted me. I shouldn't be so upset about being alone. I have Him. He is sitting right there beside me in that pew. He is always right beside me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.

Don't get me wrong, I do need my alone time to recuperate & refocus myself. What I am talking about is in public. If I get invited somewhere where I know I'm not going to know anyone, I won't go. I can't stand the thought of being the Lone Ranger.

I could lose anything, anyone, at a moments notice. What I can't lose is my Savior. He is not going anywhere.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

The LORD is my strength and my shield; 

my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. 

My heart leaps for joy, 

and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

For the LORD will not forsake his people, for his great name’s sake, because it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for himself. 1 Samuel 12:22 

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18 

No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Joshua 1:5 

This really resonated with me because I know that in just a short 4 month's time, I will not have the comfort of my familiar friends & family to surround me. I will not be alone, but I will be out of my comfort zone & far from those I love the most. 

I need to rest in His presence. Find peace in His arms. Be comforted by His love. It's okay to be alone in public. It's okay for me to not sit next to Ben during church service one week. It's okay that none of my friends sat next to me. It. Is. Okay. 

Does anyone else struggle with fear of being alone?