Loneliness

Alone in a pew. Ben was running sound upstairs. Sister didn't come. Family that I usually sit with sat in the pew behind me. So there I am - alone. Isolated. Stranded.

I don't like being alone. In fact, I have a fear of it. I get nervous, uncomfortable, anxious, sometimes even bitter or angry. Angry at Ben for not being with me, angry for my sister for not coming, angry at my friends for not sitting next to me - I mean, they can see me sitting there by myself can't they?

This was about the time that the Lord really convicted me. I shouldn't be so upset about being alone. I have Him. He is sitting right there beside me in that pew. He is always right beside me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.

Don't get me wrong, I do need my alone time to recuperate & refocus myself. What I am talking about is in public. If I get invited somewhere where I know I'm not going to know anyone, I won't go. I can't stand the thought of being the Lone Ranger.

I could lose anything, anyone, at a moments notice. What I can't lose is my Savior. He is not going anywhere.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

The LORD is my strength and my shield; 

my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. 

My heart leaps for joy, 

and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

For the LORD will not forsake his people, for his great name’s sake, because it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for himself. 1 Samuel 12:22 

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18 

No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Joshua 1:5 

This really resonated with me because I know that in just a short 4 month's time, I will not have the comfort of my familiar friends & family to surround me. I will not be alone, but I will be out of my comfort zone & far from those I love the most. 

I need to rest in His presence. Find peace in His arms. Be comforted by His love. It's okay to be alone in public. It's okay for me to not sit next to Ben during church service one week. It's okay that none of my friends sat next to me. It. Is. Okay. 

Does anyone else struggle with fear of being alone?

TRAVELS | San Francisco, CA.

I can't believe it's been over a year now, but last February my little sister flew down to San Fran & met up with my dad & stepmom. My stepmom had some lawyer convention to go to there & it just happened to fall on a holiday weekend so we had a mini family vacation.

I didn't really know what to except. We had driven through it on roads trips when I was younger probably more times than I could count, but I had never really spent time there. It turned out to be one of my favorite places I have ever traveled to. I even found myself saying, "I wouldn't mind living here some day" - & that's a big deal for me. I doubt it'll ever actually happen, but it was beautiful & had a great atmosphere.

So here you go, my family weekend in San Fran.
Day 1:

Waiting for the tram

Downtown San Francisco

The downtown area had these beautifully hand-painted hearts on the street corners. Loved them.

3 story Williams-Sonoma = me in paradise.

Lunch from a hot dog street vender (:

Beautiful clear skies but so windy.

China Town

Stunning.

Alcatraz Island.

So much talent in San Fran.

We were a little too early to see the blossoms but I think they look kinda cool this way.

Little sis & Dad

Love this picture.

Her [then] new boyfriend - things didn't work out between them.

By the end of the day my feet hurt so bad from walking around pretty much the whole city. I couldn't wait to get back to the hotel & watch some movies (:

Day 2:

Golden Gate Bridge

About to drive down Lombard Street

It only lasted a few short days but I had a great time with my family exploring a new city & I can't wait to go back & take Ben with me (:

Daddy Post

Today is my Dad's birthday!!

He has been such an incredible blessing to me. I could never fully articulate exactly how much he means to me but I shall try.

After my parents got divorced my sister's & I stayed with our dad & our mom moved out. Now, we have always been daddy's little girls, but I think that we became even more so after we became our own little family in a sense. We were all we had for a while. I can't speak for my sisters, but I think we all developed really strong relationships with him after the divorce.

He was always there for us. Taking us to practices, going shopping with us (or giving us money to go buy bras & underwear, same thing;), doing our laundry, helping us with homework, talking with us about school/friend/boy drama...See what I mean, he's the best. Not to mention the fact that it can't be easy being an only father of 3 teenage girls. YIKES!

He has never & will never admit to this, but I know he sacrificed a lot for his three girls for a lot of years. He stood by us, protected us, & loved us unconditionally.

Now that he lives in San Diego, I miss him like crazy. For the first 6-8 months after he moved, I would start crying every time I thought of him. I didn't really realize it until after he left, but he was like my best friend.

So here's to you Daddy! I love you more than words can say & I am so thankful for all you've done for me & the girls! I hope you had a wonderful day!