Trust & Timing: Part ll

My post today is actually a continuation of my previous post Trust & Timing from a couple weeks back...so sorry if this is repetitious.

So the book that I am currently reading called When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy. I know I say this a lot, but it is a great one. Good for those who are in a relationship, but even better for those who are yet to be in a relationship, particularly teens & young adults.

The other night the chapter that I was reading had to do with honoring your future husband or wife, in every aspect of your life. And I mean every. Not just physically, but emotionally & spiritually.

In their words, if your future spouse were able to see everything you do, read all of your thoughts, & hear everything you say:

     -How would it make them feel?

     -Would it make them happy?

     -Would it make them feel adored & honored?

This really struck me. 

So let me get this straight - either Ben & I are not meant to be together & we are clearly missing His clues & disobeying him, OR we are meant to be together forever & it just isn't the right time.

If Ben & I aren't meant to be together, then what we are doing now, is most definitely not honoring to our future husband & wife. We have shared our most intimate details with each other. He knows my whole heart. I know his whole heart. We've been through a lot together over the last 3 years. We've grown, we've struggled, we've matured together.

This then set in motion a combination of comfort & fear.

Fear of disobeying God & of losing Ben, to be honest.

Comfort that maybe we are the ones that God intended for us to wed someday.

I prayed & talked to God about it that night. And the next morning. And that night.

And I talked to Ben. We both seem to be on the same page. If we aren't meant to make a lifelong commitment to each other, then what has the last 3 years meant?

     -Was it all a waste?

     -Are we going to have to start all of this all over again someday with someone new?

     -What was the point of it all?

     -How could I ever possibly open myself up to another person like I did with him?

I just got this feeling of peace come over me, peace that it wasn't all a waste. Peace that I don't need to worry about those things. He has them all in His hands. He has me in His hands. His timing will prove itself worth the wait - whatever that wait may bring.

Great. Now all I have to worry about is being patient (Not my strong suit.)

January Bonfires

So yesterday I told myself that I was going to dedicate my day today after work to working on school & homework. I only have about a bazillion assignments due next week.

Anyway, I get off work, head home, grab my backpack & go down to Panera Bread for some yummy soup & salad while I work on school.

I was there all of about 30 minutes when I get a text asking Ben if I wanted to meet him & his family at his grandparents' house to roast hot dogs & marshmallows. Ditch school work to have a bonfire in January or stay & work on doing a book review for my class? Hmm, hard choice there. So I packed up & got my hiney movin!

My Friday night in picture review (:

This is Ben's nephew. He said the fire was too bright for his eyes. Haha.

 Watermelon?! In January?! By a bonfire?!

 Took us 4 tries to finally get a normal one. I was starting to think it wasn't going to happen. Haha.

 Beautiful moon.

 Ben's littlest brother, him, & his nephew.

Cutie pie.

Charlie was our photographer. He would take a picture, look at it, laugh hysterically & say "okay lets do it again!"

Apparently we couldn't seem to take a normal picture either..

We made some pretty sweet light designs.

All in all, my Friday night didn't go as planned...it was better! We laughed, talked, took some pictures (my favorite), ate some yummy food, told stories. It was perfection (anyone catch my Friends reference there?)

In Other Weekend News:

     -My dad flew in to town today! For the next 2 weeks! WOOHOO!

     -Sunday will consist of 2 exciting things:

          1. I am getting baptized! & both my parents, two sisters, & possibly grandmother will be there to see it. YIKES! Nervous & excited at the same time..

          2. My bestest & oldest friend is getting MARRIED! I am so beyond excited - can you tell?

Now about that homework I blew off earlier...

A Child's Perspective

Working in a preschool classroom has proven to throw more challenges my way than I ever thought possible. When I first got the job, I half took it as an excuse to leave my other job (restaurant hostess) & half because I had babysat before & thought kids were cute.

Little did I know that taking this job was going to open my eyes to my passion & future career path.

I went through a lot of phases growing up of what I wanted to be when I grew up: an Olympic gymnast, a professional chef with her own cooking show on the Food Network, a wedding cake designer/wedding planner, a children's pastor...

But after working in this preschool classroom, I knew that was what I wanted to do. So I shifted my schooling track just slightly, from getting my BA in elementary education to my AA in early childhood education. Man oh man it has been a long & hectic couple years.

Anyway, back on track. Working with young children has really opened up my eyes to this world. If I have learned anything from my schooling & working in my field with an amazing mentor teacher, it is that kids are not as worthless as we believe them to be. That sounds harsh, but its reality. So many people out there treat kids as if they are just an inconvenience, like they're in the way.

Those people could not be more wrong & more off base. Yes, kids throw tantrums. Yes, they command all of your attention. Yes, they make messes & scream. Yes, they throw things & hit & kick. But think about it this way: if you had only been on this world for 2 years, 3 years, 4 or 5 years...how would you react to some of the things they experience?

They have a reason for the things they say & do - they are scared, nervous, excited, confused. Nobody has taught them any better yet. That's where we (as adults) come in.

It is our job to guide them, teach them, help them explore & discover & learn all about this beautiful world that we live in. And that is not a job to be taken lightly.

Working with 2-5 year olds for 6 hours a day has brought such a beautiful, fresh, child-like perspective to my life that wasn't there before. They are so naive & so innocent - in the most amazing way. They aren't cynical, they don't know what hatred looks like (not "you're not invited to my birthday party cause you're mean!" kind of hate, but real hate). Even doing something as simple as getting down on your knees & taking a look around can change how you see things - literally.

God definitely threw me for a loop when He brought this job opportunity, & now career path, into my life. I have been so blessed by those beautiful, charming little souls I get to work with every day. They challenge me, stretch me, push me, make me laugh & smile & & grow every. single. day.

So thank you little ones, for all you do. Your hugs, "I love you Miss Dani's", & cute drawings make all your kicking & screaming tantrums, smearing soap on the bathroom walls, & hitting worth the headaches & bruises. Miss Dani loves you!

Trust & Timing

I have been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp for the past few weeks. It has been amazing ya'll. Very beautifully written, challenges me to think in new ways & reevaluate my priorities & thinking habits.

Anyway, the chapter I read the other day was about trusting God.  This chapter really struck me. Hard. God spoke to me while I was reading this chapter. He opened my eyes to the fact that I trust Ben more than I trust Him. Yikes. No bueno.

Now, I don't know if any of you are like this, but one of the hardest things for me about my faith & relationship with God is that it isn't tangible. With Ben, for example, I can feel him, he can hug me, wipe my tears away, I can hear him laugh with me, etc. But it's not the same with God. I can't hear Him - some can & that is an amazing gift that God has blessed them with, but not me.

So I really struggle with trusting Him.
Trusting that He will protect me.
Trusting that He will always put me first.
Trusting that He will always give me the best.
Trusting that He will always do what is best for me.

With Ben, all of these things come naturally. I don't even have to think about it. Not the case with God. And that HAS to change. Ann even went as far to say that if we don't trust God, then it is just about the same as denying Him & refuting Him.

His plan is perfect. His will is perfect. His timing is perfect. He is perfect.

Every single day since I read that chapter that night I have been praying to God to begin to work in me to change this. I have surrendered my heart to Him. I need to trust Him above anyone else. At all times.

On the same note (since nothing is ever a coincidence with God) the conversation of engagements & marriage came up between Ben & I last weekend. I brought up that maybe we would be ready to start seriously conversing that subject after I get back from Australia at the end of December this year or January 2014.

Ben wasn't so sure. Not because he doesn't want to, he just isn't sure that that will be the right time. He wants to get all of his ducks in a row before he heads down that road - school done, have a profession (not just a job), have a plan, have some money, etc. Me? Well that stuff cold take forever to get done. Could be years. And I don't want to wait years. I'm ready now.

I know I want to be with Ben forever. He's the soul to my mate. The prince to my charming. The macaroni to my cheese. He makes me smile. He makes me crazy. He pushes me to be better, stronger, & more daring. I just love him. Is it too much to ask to want to be with him everyday & get to call him my husband?

Through some tears & tense words, we reminded each other that it doesn't matter what I want, or what Ben wants. Maybe God will want us to wait longer so we can get our lives sorted out separately first. Maybe He doesn't want Ben to save ex amount of money beforehand.

All that matters is that we don't know what God will do in our hearts while I am gone. Heck, He could even tell us that we're not meant to be together forever. Who knows.

We just have to TRUST in His perfect TIMING. Because it is PERFECT.

It's hard for me to let that control go. To not plan. I'm a planner. It's kind of addicting. But I have to. I have to put my life in His hands & just let go.

Anyone else who is single & struggling with this?

RECIPE | Homemade Chai Tea

Confession: I am slightly in love with chai tea lattes. Especially the ones from Starbucks. So when I found a homemade recipe for chai tea mix I had to try it. Now I was hesitant because I knew it wasn't going to be as good as Starbucks', & I'm not going to lie, it isn't. But it's still amazing so I wanted to share it all with you.

Here is the original recipe that I found off Pinterest. It called for cloves but it turns out I didn't have any so I just skipped it this time around. Here are the ingredients:

 Combine all of the ingredients in a bowl & combine with whisk.

Put about 1 cup at a time into a blender or food processor. I used a Magic Bullet cause they're amazing. (Seriously if you don't have one you need to go buy one right now.)

 Blend until it is a fine powder.

 Pour into an airtight container - I used an old spaghetti sauce jar.

 And voila!

I don't exactly follow the same directions as the original recipe when it comes to making it but when I am ready to enjoy this delicious beverage I just heat up about 2/3 of a cup full of water, put 3-4 heaping spoonfuls of the mix, & add the last 1/3 of the mug with milk cause I like it extra creamy (:

*Note: During the holidays I was putting eggnog in my mug in place of the milk & it was TO DIE for. Heaven I tell ya, heaven.

**Note (again): It's also really good if you add just a little spoonful of hot chocolate mix or chocolate syrup to the mug. Yum yum YUM.

Christmas & New Years Wrap Up

Holy guacamole! The last two weeks have just been CRAZY! My life is normally pretty crazy to begin with, but Christmas this year took it to another level.

I'll try my best to keep this as short & sweet as possible (:

On the Sunday before Christmas my sisters & I went up with our mom to visit her dad & stepmom. As we were driving through the neighborhood about to pull into their driveway we saw 3 deer in the yard across the street! They weren't even phased by us, they just took their deer (pun-intended) sweet time crossing the street.

Christmas Eve night I slept at my Aunt's house so I wouldn't have to get up early & drive. She didn't get a tree so this is what we had to work with. My dad, stepmom, step-brother & little sister all came over & we opened our presents there.

 My older sister made a photo album of my dad & stepmom's wedding & I found this sweet picture of my grandpa & me dancing at their wedding. My grandpa died 2 years about this December so this was a nice little treasure to find.

Then we headed over to my aunt & uncle's house for our Christmas Day celebration!

 We decorated some delicious cookies...

My sisters, step-bro & I all got these sweet Santa hats...

Sung some Christmas carols...

 Played some Quelf (which by the way is soooo much fun & everyone should go out & buy it. It's awesome)...

 Drank some coffee from a Santa mug...

And took some family photos...

 

Now what to do with all of this stuff...?

The 26th I spent a few hours with this handsome guy & his amazing family doing their Christmas stuff. 

My favorite present by far that day was from his grandparents. His grandpa made these cutting boards for all of the adult women in their family & they gave me one! I was so surprised & felt so blessed to receive one. Hs grandma told me he personally picked out all the different types of wood for it & that he only made 3 or 4 that had a handle. I could see all of the hard work & love he out into these. It's simply stunning & something I know I will cherish for years & years to come.

I had to leave Ben's family's party early ): but I had to leave early because I was heading to Great Wolfe Lodge with my sisters, dad & stepmom. It was all of our first times ever staying at GWL & we had a good time. It was still all prettied up from Christmas too (:

My always cute little sister:

I don't know what that face is..

 My dad & little sister licking the fake lolly--pops

 Found my initials on a Christmas tree!

 & found a Starbucks tree!

The next day we spent about 2 hours in the indoor water park & then we were done. It's definitely designed for kids, but it was still fun.

Also picked up this sweet new sweatshirt from the gift shop. YAY for new fuzzy sweats!

Friday consisted of shopping & trying to get rid of as many of my gift cards at one time as possible. Also, we went to see Lord of the Rings with the family. Mine & Ben's second time. That's right.

Saturday & Sunday were days of rest & recouperation. Man was I wiped out. For a solid week, every time I would get in a car or sit down for any length of time without doing something I would fall asleep, I kid you not. Not to mention I only slept in my bed every other night, so needlesstosay, it was a long week.

And finally, we come to Monday. Boy oh boy was this quite the day. It started off by me getting up at 8:30 am (on a vacation day) to go to Ben's house, stopping at the grocery store on the way to get snacks & coffee. Why was I going to his house do you ask? Well as you might have guessed from the picture above, this was the day of our Lord of the Rings, Extended Edition, Marathon. This day had been in the making for 2-3 weeks. It. Was. Long. Each movie has two discs, & each disc is give or take 2 hours. At ~4 hours per movie (but I'm pretty convinced that the 3rd one is waay longer), that comes to a grand total of 12 hours of LOTR. That's a long time people. Don't get me wrong, it was super awesome & fun to hang out his his siblings, eating chips & pizza, & snuggling with Ben on the couch pillows we set up on the floor cause all of the chairs were taken. Plus it did help me to actually understand the storyline & not just be totally lost & confused the whole time.
We finally wrapped up the movies at 11:35 pm (& poor Ben was about 75% asleep at this point) & then went out to drink sparkling cider & do poppers outside at midnight to celebrate the New Year! It was such a fun, wild, crazy, busy, blessed, & wonderful Christmas break.

That being said, tomorrow I head back into the realm of reality with school & work so who knows how often I will get to be on here to blog & read & follow & all that jazz. But here's to hoping it's often enough!

May your 2013 be filled with lot's of laughter, great memories, & blessings from our Heavenly Father Above.